You use apologies as though they were an infinite currency,
Even when they aren’t needed you give them freely to charity,
I’m not trying to blame you for that.
Just saying that you should save some in case one day you find you need one…
but have already given away too many.
You could give yourself more, because in terms of currency in emotional support we both know you’re pretty poor.
I use apologies as a limited resource mostly because for me they are,
And while the majority of things I buy with them is your forgiveness, I have an obsession with keeping some pocket change, so I never really give as much as I have.
And for that even though it is out of character I have to have it said.
I am sorry.
Sorry to be adamant.
Sorry to sometimes be the gate between you and yourself.
Sorry to push you in the direction I hope is best, but that is the job I gave myself when I promised myself to you.
I just want you to rest easy.
To see yourself in a mirror and praise yourself for simply existing, but I know it doesn’t work that way.
It isn’t that simple… so I’m sorry.
I will loan you my change in the hopes that you can buy from yourself forgiveness, the release of all hope for a better past
because you deserve it more than anyone I know.
And I wish I could just show that to you.
Because when I look in a mirror, I always want to see you in it with me.
And praise your existence because to me it serves as a blessing, even if to you yourself it sometimes serves as unwanted.
Bio: “I’m Octavio Perales, a spoken word poet also known as Mod-J that’s “Your Modern Jesus,” the host of “The Human Condition” a poetry, philosophy, and art podcast featured online at RGVTitanRadio.com. THC (The Human Condition) interviews local artists about their craft and takes a look at their personal philosophies. As spoken word artist I prefer long winded dragged-out “poetic conversations” to have you, the audience leave with a need to take an introspective look at oneself, possibly learn something you didn’t know before or just to hear me rant about life experiences; I also like to write short personal pieces and express my inner thoughts on my Instagram @yourmodernjesus about love, life and mental health, also a good way to get updates on THC and RGV Titan Radio.”